November 5, 2012
“But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of
Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.”
1 Peter 4:13
“If you are going to be used by God, He will take you
through a multitude of experiences that are not meant for you at all, they are
meant to make you useful in His hands, and to enable you to understand what
transpires in other souls so that you will never be surprised by what you come
across”
(Oswald Chambers, My
Utmost for His Highest)
At best, I am selfish. At the worst, well, I won’t even go
there… for now. I find myself in my own little world, trapped by poor decisions
or self-inflicted emotional wounds and I find myself wallowing in my own sty of
self-pity, doubt, and joylessness. I’m not here often. But when I am, I am a complete
mess and I sense Chicken Little’s fear that the sky is falling.
Sometimes the sky does fall, because it seems like I do - or
try to do - things the best I know how, making an honest attempt to be an
honest man. I have been told by several people just this week that I am a
“great man,” and that I am and will do great things for the world. Yet even in
this apparent rightness of mind and action, the sky will still tend to fall at
times. And whether it is my fault or not, my reaction is always the same.
I admit, in reference to Peter’s words, I have suffered very
little in the name of Christ. There was that one time in elementary school when
I was beat up by a group of kids who didn’t like the fact that I was a
Christian… and I wore a Minnesota Twins T-shirt after they beat the Atlanta
Braves in Game 7 of the World Series. But that doesn’t really count. Still I
know, suffering is to come if I am to run the race with endurance.
But, in reference to Chamber’s words, I realize that in all
of my sufferings, whether self-inflicted or divinely-purposed, the simple fact
remains: I am being prepared to love others through what I have experienced.
Peter was a passionate man, one of my favorite men of the
Bible. I am a passionate man, equally as clumsy with both my words and actions
as he (remember, in action he swung his sword and cut the ear of the soldier in
the Garden of Gethsemane, and hours later in word, he denied Christ three
times!). And I think Peter would stir me up right now and tell me to get out
there and take one for the team! Go find persecution, for Christ’s name, and
build the kingdom! After all, the more we suffer now the more we will be
overjoyed when God’s glory is revealed, right?
And I tell you what, nothing stirs my heart more than
picturing myself in a remote part of Africa, or India, or Indonesia and
bringing hope to the hopeless through God’s promises to all people. I nearly
bought a one-way ticket last week, to Uganda, just to see what I could stir up
there.
But in reality, the experiences I need in order to prepare
me for my work ahead are right here in this town. I won’t be here long. Several
brothers and sisters with the gift of prophecy have already smiled and winked
at my ambition to begin my calling to leave the United States. They know it’s
coming. But for now, in this time of personal suffering, I know that I am
called to be here, to live what seems an unexciting, daily mundane life…
because there is perfection in the patience… And others will be blessed through
this time in my life.
“We never realize at the time what God is putting us
through; we go through it more or less misunderstandingly; then we come to a
luminous place, and say – ‘Why, God has girded me, though I did not know it!’”
(Chambers)
I don’t understand my present circumstance. But perhaps I
should pray I never do. Perhaps I should simply live in this moment, whether
suffering or joyful, knowing that God has everything worked out for me already.
One day I will look back and everything will make sense, more or less. But even
if it doesn’t, what is faith without trust and belief in a God in sovereign control
of every moment of my life?
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