Direction By Impulse

"But you, dear friends, build yourselves up in your most holy faith and pray in the Holy Spirit. Keep yourselves in God's Love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life." - Jude 20-21

"We have to be exceptional in the ordinary things, to be holy in the mean streets, among mean people, and this is not learned in five minutes."
- Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

I have been impulsive all of my life.. But there is a duality to my impulsiveness. If there is a decision to make, one that affects a great number of people (or dollar amount) in my life, I am usually indecisive and impulsiveness must rescue me from bouncing back and forth and back again on how to decide. However, most decisions in my life come through swift impulsiveness.

For instance, if I see a piece of pizza on the counter and I know that it is delicious, I will swipe it. I am not hungry, nor do I need any extra calories. But just knowing that it is there and available to me creates an instinctual desire, deeper than my appetite which tells me the truth that I am already full, and I act on impulse because whether I eat the pizza or not, I can already taste it when I see it and I know the pleasure it will bring me.

Also, the opposite is true. Having eaten that piece of pizza many times on impulse, it is also impulse that demands in me that I recover from the repercussions of my hasty decisions. This leads me to extremes in dieting and exercise, impulsive desires to change something about me that only yesterday was not much of a problem. Because change does not happen fast, and because impulse drives me in many ways, I usually submit to failure rather than hold fast to the rigor of discipline and what I know to be truth.

Jude was addressing his letter to those Christians who were being infiltrated and led astray by false teachers. They were being told that what they knew to be true was correct, but that there were some "back doors," so to speak, by which they could live and not have to fully live under the authority of Christ. Grace, in verse 4, was taken not to be a gift to extend perfection to an imperfect man, but rather a license to sin without remorse. And so, holding fast to Truth, Jude was reminding the readers that they must not act on what they sense or feel to be right in the moment, but rather to hold on to what they know in their hearts... to "build themselves up" in the long-term course they have already chosen.

Because I am impulsive, I struggle to make decisions that are of eternal consequence. My faith wavers, but only in the sense that my decisions keep me from being the man that God created me to be on a day to day basis. I know, in my heart of hearts, the Truth of God's love. I know that I am full already of the fruit of the Holy Spirit. The question is, when I see that piece of pizza on the table, will I still act on impulse to try and fill a desire that is a craving for what I know in my heart will not offer me the lasting pleasure of which my mind will try to convince me? Or will I use that moment to "build myself up" in the confidence of a series of small decisions that will add up to a lifetime of lasting joys?  

Sabbatical

I have been on a bit of a sabbatical of sorts lately.

It's not that I haven't written, or haven't wanted to post my journey.

I have written lots.

But I have felt lately as though in my attempts to share my spiritual journey, I was not even touching the surface of my self.

So, I have kept secret the things I have learned lately, the discovery. And I will share them one day.

For now, I will try and be more consistent in at least posting something at some time...

For your patience, I am much appreciative...

You're Already There...

December 6, 2012

“I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth.”

Genesis 9:13

“It is the will of God that human beings should get into a right-standing relationship with Him, and His covenants are designed for this purpose. Why doesn’t God save me? He has accomplished and provided for my salvation, but I have not yet entered into a relationship with Him. Why doesn’t God do everything we ask? He has done it. The point is— will I step into that covenant relationship? All the great blessings of God are finished and complete, but they are not mine until I enter into a relationship with Him on the basis of His covenant.”

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

I woke up yesterday panicked, not because of anything in particular, but because of everything in general. I have been battling intensely lately in my pursuit to be broken, and to be healed and formed into the man God has made me to be. I have, as David exemplifies, cried out for God to reach into my heart and grab the things that hurt and take them from me, to heal me with His presence in Spirit.

I know all of the things that God is capable of accomplishing. He has moved rivers, and men’s hearts. He has created the universe, and a little child. He has saved and continues to save people I will never know.

So why not me?

I was so full of doubt yesterday morning, so full of defeat. In my heart I knew that God was with me, is with me. I crawled to the floor and just laid there, crying out and waiting. I know that God can save me, can heal me, can move me into the “abundant life” that He has promised. And yet, yesterday morning I began to question whether there was something that I was doing to get in the way… thus reducing my God to a God of rewards and punishments, instead of the God of Love that He is.

Fortunately I had scheduled a lunch meeting with another man from church, in which I was supposed to tell him about a men’s discipleship “ministry” I was helping to establish across the city. Instead, somehow, my brokenness was poured out into his lap and he, being a man of God, discipled me in the moment.

We spoke for an hour or so, but the one thing that stands out the most of all of the scripture he shared, all of the stories and anecdotes that remind me that my struggles are nothing new to any man, is something that Chambers reminded me of first thing this morning.  

“Chris,” he said firmly. “Where you are now, what you want God to do for you in the healing process, is being done right now. You are where God wants you to be.”

I felt a huge burden lift a I considered the fact that I can’t hide anything from God. He knows my frustrations with what seems to be the same struggles over and over again, the same issues I hold onto and cant seem to find freedom from, the same Chris I sense I have always been. But my brother reminded me that I can’t even hide this from God. I can only “step into the covenant relationship” with God and accept and trust that He is working in me to finish the work he has begun in me.

I have a terrible time with expectations. I like to project myself into a world where things change drastically, and always for the best. I don’t like to struggle. I find ways to win, to achieve, to accomplish. And if discouragement is ever overwhelming, I change my interests and latch on to new expectations.

So, as I see myself as a pillar, a strong man – God’s man- and I know I am becoming the man that will be able to lead my beautiful bride one day, to raise my children in strength and love, to build and support other brothers and sisters. But I overlook the “now” in the process of becoming that man.

So, I challenge myself to heed the advice Chambers offers, to “enter into a relationship with God on the basis of His covenant,” to know that “all the great blessings of God are finished and complete,” but that I must go through the process of trusting that in every moment I am walking with God.

It’s a painful process, to feel so alone at times, but I know that God is shaping me into the man He is going to use for His glory, and if this pain and loneliness is the cost to become the man that brings others into His glory then, like Peter and Paul and John, I should ask for more that I would become stronger in Him.  

Second Chances for Sore Losers

I went to church this morning. Twice, and to two different churches. Which is good, because sometimes I am stubborn and it takes a little while for things to sink in. 

I am a sore loser. I always have been. This is why I rarely compete anymore. Its not that I am afraid to lose. Its that it just doesnt sit well within me to be wrong at anything, let alone something I am putting forth effort into. But the good news for me today is that I am not alone - not in my sore losing, nor in my second chances. 

The first service was at a church plant from a fast-growing megachurch from the mid-west that is focused on remaining Bible-driven in instruction. Which is good, because I don't think churches should be based on anything else. And what I took most from this service, based on Luke 5: 17-26 and Luke 10: 38-42 is that what I perceive to be the problems in my life are, most often enough, not the actual problems in my life. Which means that the solutions I fight so hard to find, are equally as flawed, therefore leaving me as frustrated and often in a worse place than before. I don't care whether you are Christian or not. This is usually true. From my own little space on this rather large planet, crammed between almost seven billion other souls scurrying around for what little we can claim as our own, the Truth seems somehow always skewed in some direction. The term "moral relativism" has been used in modern times to describe how there is no right or wrong, but only shades of truth from time to time, depending on where you stand. 

But shifting truth, in my opinion, is no truth at all. There must be something more, some outside perspective that places permanence on things. This is where I meet my God.

As a result of focusing on my problems, in the case of the paralytic that Jesus healed by first freeing him from his sins, I see my problems in the first person. I am looking only for the quick fix, the physical healing if you will. I find myself so surrounded by my small little world that I fail to see the bigger picture, the fact that Jesus healed a much deeper issue in the mans life- that being to free him of the burden of his sins. The man will die someday, from something. Jesus knew this. So healing him now meant his body would rot away later. But by freeing him of his sins, the man could have died on the spot but spent an eternity in heaven... which is more important to me, I wonder? My quick fix, or a more permanent one?  

In the second passage in Luke, Martha was so overwhelmed by the tasks of preparing a meal for the Saviour that she almost entirely overlooked His presence and even went as far as to complain about her sister, Mary, who was receiving His words. She became angered that she was doing all of this work - this service - all by herself and felt as though her sister should be helping. But the problem was not external for her, it was eternal. And it would take an eternal perspective to remind her that man can live for weeks without food, but in the presence of the Lord, this time would be fleeting.

So, I wonder, when I become such a sore loser, is it because I am not seeing the bigger picture - the purpose of the game and the value of every other player? Or am I so focused on what it takes to win that I miss out on the larger picture?

And, my favorite man of second chances, Peter, was the star of the second service, this time from a pastor at a small congregation of non-denominational believers in rather conservative church established several decades ago. Peter is to me what I must be to you and the rest of the world: one big, clumsy oaf who says a lot of things off the top of his head that come back to bite him later.

Also from Luke, Chapter 5 verses 1-11, Jesus meets Peter for the second time, after having just healed his mother in law from a deadly fever days before. After preaching from Peter's fishing boat, Jesus tells Peter to cast his nets and collect the abundance of fish that Peter, a skilled fishermen, and his colleagues failed to somehow catch the night before. While impulsive and often wrong, Peter decides to follow Jesus' command and the result is so many fish that not one but two boats are so full that they begin to sink. Peter recognizes the Savior in Jesus and humbles himself before his Lord. This is day 1 of approximately three years of following Jesus, as he literally drops everything he has and follows Jesus in his wanderings.

Great, Peter caught fish. But thats not it.

The sermon went into John 21: 1-4 and a similar experience occured, only this was three years later. In between, Peter had so zealously sworn to defend Jesus that he had cut the ear off a soldier at Jesus' arrest in Gathsemene, had pledged allegiance that Jesus said would be denied three times in the matter of only a few hours, and would return to his work as a fisherman shortly after this man who he had risked everthing on being the Savior of the world had been hung to die on a cross.

Peter says one of the greatest lines in the Bible, in my opinion, as he realizes that life must go on... wait for it...

"I'm going fishing!" (John 21:3).

How about that for moving on from the most thrilling three year evangelistic career that ended in utter defeat and humility? The last time Peter saw Jesus he was told that he would deny his best friend three times before morning, and he did. I call that losing...

But Peter is the man of second chances because Jesus arrives moments later, almost exactly as He had arrived into Peter's life three years earlier, and he tells Peter and his friends to cast their nets to the right of the boat.

I'm stubborn. I say things I dont think I really mean before I have time to think about them. I act even hastier and I am overly zealous in defending my own actions and my pride. This is Peter, described to a T. But he is not so stubborn that he doesn't remember his introduction to his friend, his Lord.

Jesus appeared to Peter the way that Peter needed to recognize Him, almost word for word the way they met three years earlier when Peter cast his nets and nearly sank his boat with the catch. It's like every time something awful has happened and you have replayed it in your head and wished that you could go back every time and do things different... Peter was no dummy in this, except perhaps that he dressed himself before jumping overboard and swimming to shore. And Jesus met him there, and he gave Peter his second chance by asking Peter of his love for Him, three times - one for each time Peter denied Jesus before his crucifixion...

So, I'm a sore loser. And I certainly need second chances. Which is good because if you read the Bible, it is full of men like Peter who need some second chances as sore losers. I am just grateful that today I had the opportunity to be reminded, through two different sermons, that I am not so much of a sore loser as I am a slow winner...

The great thing about being a Christian is that my life is full of second chances. And not that I try to do things right the second time, and intentionally throw the game on the first attempt. That would be taking advantage of grace (yes, a Bible Bingo word for sure!). Rather, I find myself hopeful that when I lose I know that there will be a second chance for me. I know, judge the Christians that you know! Judge me too! We're not perfect! But that's the great thing about second chances. The more we try, the better we become and, well with an eternal perspective, I think one day I just might leave the sore loser category and find myself with Peter and Jesus sitting by the side of the sea catching up over a morning fire and conversation... 

Jonah, and the Art of Running Away From God

December 2, 2012

“The word of the Lord came to Jonah son of Amittai: ² “Go to the great city of Nineveh and preach against it, because its wickedness has come up before me.”

³ But Jonah ran away from the Lord and headed for Tarshish. He went down to Joppa, where he found a ship bound for that port. After paying the fare, he went aboard and sailed for Tarshish to flee from the Lord.

⁴ Then the Lord sent a great wind on the sea, and such a violent storm arose that the ship threatened to break up. ⁵ All the sailors were afraid and each cried out to his own god. And they threw the cargo into the sea to lighten the ship.

But Jonah had gone below deck, where he lay down and fell into a deep sleep. ⁶ The captain went to him and said, “How can you sleep? Get up and call on your god! Maybe he will take notice of us so that we will not perish.”

⁷ Then the sailors said to each other, “Come, let us cast lots to find out who is responsible for this calamity.” They cast lots and the lot fell on Jonah. ⁸ So they asked him, “Tell us, who is responsible for making all this trouble for us? What kind of work do you do? Where do you come from? What is your country? From what people are you?”

⁹ He answered, “I am a Hebrew and I worship the Lord, the God of heaven, who made the sea and the dry land.”

¹⁰ This terrified them and they asked, “What have you done?” (They knew he was running away from the Lord, because he had already told them so.)

¹¹ The sea was getting rougher and rougher. So they asked him, “What should we do to you to make the sea calm down for us?”

¹² “Pick me up and throw me into the sea,” he replied, “and it will become calm. I know that it is my fault that this great storm has come upon you.”

¹³ Instead, the men did their best to row back to land. But they could not, for the sea grew even wilder than before. ¹⁴ Then they cried out to the Lord, “Please, Lord, do not let us die for taking this man’s life. Do not hold us accountable for killing an innocent man, for you, Lord, have done as you pleased.” ¹⁵ Then they took Jonah and threw him overboard, and the raging sea grew calm. ¹⁶ At this the men greatly feared the Lord, and they offered a sacrifice to the Lord and made vows to him.”

Jonah 1: 1-16

Most people know that Jonah is that guy that spent a few days in the stomach of a whale. Which is true. But most people don’t know why he spent a few days in the stomach of said whale.

Jonah ran from God.

Oh, what a novel idea! It’s not like I haven’t tried this before!

And I think what has been put on my heart lately, is the idea that God is sovereign. There is nothing that I can do to make God more or less than He already is. He is the beginning and the end, I AM THAT I AM, and the dozens of other Biblical names that indicate that He is so much more qualified to run the universe than I am.

And the thing about a sovereign God is this: you cannot trick Him… As Jonah discovered.

God is everywhere. And that sucks when you want to run away and hide. When you, like me, have certain secrets that we want to keep hidden – those “skeletons in the closet”- God already knows them. Maybe he laughs at our attempts to hide them. Maybe He cries. In either regard, we’re not tricking Him with anything. Ever.

So, Jonah decided to disregard God’s word and go his own way. As the book later reveals, Jonah felt that Ninevah was already condemned and he didn’t think it was worth his time to go and warn them of impending doom. He figured that God would either save the city or not, and it didn’t matter if he went or not. (He was actually pulling for total annihilation, Sodom and Gomorrah style).

The problem for Jonah was that God spoke to him!

Imagine that! Imagine God speaks to you – clearly! Imagine there is no doubt that God has told you do so something… would you, like Jonah, take that for granted?! Has God already spoken to you? And have you?

These answers in my own life make me want to curl up like a baby and ask God to let my life start again. The sad answer is that, yes, I have heard God’s voice and yes, I have taken it for granted… And yes, I have run…

On the flip side…

The fact that God is everywhere is also comforting. Jonah found this out the hard way. Lying on the lower deck of a ship full of strangers in the middle of a storm, God pulled him from his sleep and let it be known that he had always been with Jonah.

I bet that is humiliating.

Actually, I know that it is. It’s reminiscent of Adam and Eve and their little fig leaves. Which, I suppose, is reassuring in some ways. I’m not the only one who thinks that I can run away and hide from God when I don’t want him around.

But imagine if he were to do the same to me when I called out for him?

The fact that God is everywhere with me leaves me to wonder why I am so content sometimes in the comforts of this life I have found myself in. Granted, my life has become less and less comfortable over the last few years. Instead of acquiring more and more “stuff,” it seems that more and more has been taken from me. But at the same time, why am I still here?

I listened to a missionary from South Africa speak about the need for others to come and help him. He spoke of the fact that leaders of villages are begging for him to come and visit and share the Gospel with them, but that he has to “backorder” these villages for several years. He says he needs people to simply show up, to be present with him.

And he used Matthew 9: 35-38 to illustrate several powerful points:

“³⁵ Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. ³⁶ When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. ³⁷ Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. ³⁸ Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.”

1.     Jesus didn’t pick between the towns he visited. He went to ALL of them.

2.     Jesus purpose was simple in each place: a) teach, b) proclaim the Gospel and c) heal.

3.     Jesus had compassion – not pity- but a call to action for the people that he saw in each place, to make their lives better.

4.     Jesus told his closest people to ask God to send out more people to do what He was demonstrating to them.

This last point struck me the hardest, because the missionary changed Jesus’ words in this case – something I am usually against, of course.

He said, “I’m not here to ask… I’m here to beg.”

The workload was so great where he was in Africa and the workers were so few, that asking just wasn’t enough.

And as Africa has been a place on my heart for years, and so much of what this man said resonated with the deep places of my heart, I began to pray over whether I would join him in Africa.

Of course, I am seeking counsel. And my closest counsel is initially divided – which I would expect when I present the idea of leaving everything I know behind. But one of these friends referred me to 

Jonah, and the reflection that has since resulted, to tell me one thing:

Go. You can’t be wrong, because God will be there with you.

I imagine Jonah didn’t have the most comfortable three days in the belly of the whale. But God was still with him, and they spoke together during this time.

So the way I see it, at the very worst, I make a decision to go that is more my decision than God’s decision for me, out of an eagerness to help this missionary, then I will not be comfortable, might face regret, and struggle more than I would otherwise. But God will be present with me in South Africa, and He will still use me to bless others.

And, in the best case scenario, what I am feeling now is what I have been praying over for months and what I have been groomed and prepared for, and God will bless others through me beyond bound.

In either situation, God will be there… and this is perhaps both the best and worst news that anyone could ever receive… 

The Ultimate Reality

December 1, 2012

“For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it.”

James 2:10

“The moral law, ordained by God, does not make itself weak to the weak by excusing our shortcomings. It remains absolute for all time and eternity. If we are not aware of this, it is because we are less than alive. Once we do realize it, our life immediately becomes a fatal tragedy. “I was alive once without the law, but when the commandment came, sin revived and I died” (Romans 7:9). The moment we realize this, the Spirit of God convicts us of sin. Until a person gets there and sees that there is no hope, the Cross of Christ remains absurd to him. Conviction of sin always brings a fearful, confining sense of the law. It makes a person hopeless— “. . . sold under sin” (Romans 7:14). I, a guilty sinner, can never work to get right with God— it is impossible. There is only one way by which I can get right with God, and that is through the death of Jesus Christ.”

Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

Many of my conversations lately, strangely, have centered around little snippets from movies. Usually I tell the snippet wrong, and have to be corrected because, well, my memory isn’t very detail-oriented about things like that. Like when I was talking today about Madagascar and Melman the giraffe’s hypochondria. I just wanted to reference the “dying holes” comment, but in trying to describe the back-story of the quote to someone who had never seen any of the Madagascar movies, somehow everything came out all convoluted and made absolutely no sense at all.

Another of my favorites lately is the reference to the “red and blue pills” in the movie The Matrix. It has probably been ten years since I have seen any part of any of the Matrix movies, but that one scene always stood out to me. Unless I Google the character names, I can’t even remember them now. But the guy from Point Break was in a room with the guy from Higher Learning and that guy hands the Point Break guy two pills, one blue and one red, and gives him a choice. One pill takes the Point Break guy back into the dream world that is falsely created to stimulate the brain into thinking life was colorful and eventful, when in reality life was plugged into huge networks of wires that powered the bad-guy machines. The other pill allows him to be plucked from the false reality that distracts him from the fact he’s really just a part of the power grid, and allows him to operate in the real world… to fight against the machines.

See, I even botched that, without even getting to the point.

The point is, several conversations lately have centered on the idea that I have taken the blue pill (or red pill, I forgot which does what!) that has plucked me from the dream world and placed me into the real world. And this reality sucks a lot of the time. (As a good friend has said, “Life sucks. Get over it. Now what are you going to do?”) There is nothing really glamorous about seeing the world in terms of a spiritual battle. But the truth is, until you see the world this way, you are missing out on the true reality.

The problem is, once you see the world in terms of a spiritual battle, you simply can’t go back into the false world.

A lot of people run away from Christianity because they realize that Jesus didn’t come into the world to make everyone feel comfortable and cushy in some kind of false reality. He spent a good portion of his time either casting out demons or praying to a God that nobody could see. Jesus, living in the comfortable false reality of the human condition, came and demonstrated that there was a whole lot going on in a world we could only see if we chose to follow him.

So, in my life, I put this off as long as I could. I mean, I did the things necessary to receive salvation. I did, at multiple points in my life, ask for forgiveness of my sins through the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. But, to a large degree, I did so without truly understanding what it would mean to actually live my life in such a way as Christ would live, which is the ultimate goal of a Christian.

I wanted to go to Heaven, without having to confront the forces of Hell.

I wanted to have peace and joy and hope, without having to abandon my comfortable, habitual sins.

I wanted to save myself and live a “good life,” without having to reach out to try and share the Gospel with my neighbors and family members.

I wanted to live halfway in and halfway out of the Christian life. So I did. And what that did for me was to reveal that, while my salvation could have been argued theologically at the time, I was missing out on the real, true life.

So, if you go back and read my last reflection on Ephesians 1, I found myself pursued by a God who wanted to reveal His unconditional love to me in ways that would make it difficult for me to ever look back at life without it. And He finally caught up with me. And I finally accepted His love. And now, having done this, there is no way I can go back to a life that convinces me of any truth other than what I now know in Him.

The Israelites of the Old Testament were so consumed with following laws to earn salvation, that they didn’t often realize the impossible task they placed before themselves in asking for the Law in the first place. Jesus called them out quite a few times for failing to recognize this. But He also came to establish new rules, packing every law a Jew could follow into only two:

1.     Love your God with all of your heart, soul, and mind and,

2.     Love your neighbor as yourself.

Sometimes I wish I could go back to a lawless state in my life, where ignorance was an excuse for me to be whoever I wanted to be. Life seemed easier then. If I could just be a “good enough” guy and not hurt other people too much, then life would be OK at the end of the day. Even as a Christian I felt this way. I was so afraid that I would screw up (which I knew I would!) and look like a hypocrite (which I necessarily must be!) that I just avoided as much of the true Christian life as I could.

I went to Church on Sundays. Sometimes.

I read my Bible. Rarely.

I prayed. When I was in a bad situation.

And I kept myself as closely knit into the false “Matrix reality” as I could because most other people seemed to live there as well, and it was easy and comfortable.

But I have swallowed that pill now that says, “You are guilty of breaking all of the laws if you break just one.” And I know I have broken one. Or two. OK, quite a few more than two. And whereas I used to try to ignore my sinful state, whether out of shame or guilt or fear of being called a hypocrite, I have now realized that I cannot save myself from myself. I’m in too deep, a puddle of my own, well, you get the point… and I can’t do much on my own other than to continue to, well, you get the point…

The reality is. Heaven and Hell are real. It would take another reflection to explain, logically, why you and I and every single person on this world should be dying to take the pill that allows us to see this. Because if Heaven is real, and Hell is real, then I am required to pick my side.

That’s what Jesus came to do. To draw a line in the sand and say, “Here you go. Pursue the world and its false reality that you either don’t need to worry about your sin, or that you can somehow fix and atone for it yourself. Or, step into my world – the real world- bear the cross I bear, see the evil that operates against us, but know that I have overcome this.”

So as I think back on the day I swallowed the pill that showed me the true reality of my existence, I sometimes question myself. Sometimes it would be nice to think that things just happen. Because if that were so, then I could remain comfortable and unengaged in the world. But that’s not reality.

In the movie The Matrix, the reality was that the guy from Point Break had a whole lot of work to do. Sometimes he won fights with the bad guys. Other times he had to run away really quickly. Sometimes he got beat up and he almost died. Rarely did he free anyone from the false reality, but never did he give up hope that he could free every one of them.

I don’t remember how the movie ends. In fact, maybe it never ended. I know there was a second and a third. But what I do know is that the entire stage of every minute of every one of the movies that followed hinged upon the decision that the guy from Point Break had to make in that one moment.

Do you choose to see life as you want to see it, knowing that it is not how it really is?

Or,

Do you choose to see life as it really is, knowing that it is not going to be as you want?

In Luke 14: 28-31, Jesus says this:

²⁸ “Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it? ²⁹ For if you lay the foundation and are not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule you, ³⁰ saying, ‘This person began to build and wasn’t able to finish.’

³¹ “Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Won’t he first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand? ³² If he is not able, he will send a delegation while the other is still a long way off and will ask for terms of peace. ³³ In the same way, those of you who do not give up everything you have cannot be my disciples.”

In other words, as you hold those two pills in your hand, consider the cost of each. Are you willing to live with this decision, however you decide?

   

I am. But it took me a while. And not without hesitation…