And What IS Good?

November 7, 2012

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose”

Romans 8:28

The circumstances of a saint’s life are ordained of God. In the life of a saint there is no such thing as chance. God by his providence brings you into circumstances that you cannot understand at all, but the Spirit of God understands. God is bringing you into places and among people and into conditions in order that the intercession of the Spirit in you may take a particular line… All of your circumstances are in the hand of God, therefore never think it strange concerning the circumstances you are in…

(Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest)

I fell asleep last night with nothing but praise in my heart and on my mind. And I don’t know why, except I kept thinking about Job and how everything he owned and loved was taken from him through circumstance, great suffering was placed on him through Satan, at the suggestion of God himself, and yet Job makes one of the most famous statements ever:

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” (Job 1:21)

I wanted to scream out last night, to no one in particular, because I have felt that my life these last few weeks has been nothing short of a cycle through a washing machine. My world has been flipped upside down, recently, as I have suffered through physical, emotional, and spiritual circumstances that have left me with nothing more to do than to fall to my knees and curl up like a baby and cry.

When I woke this morning I thought of posting Job’s words as my Facebook status, but I know most of my friends would either unsubscribe from me or think I was crazy and not understand me (or both!). So when I woke up and instead had my quiet time, my daily wandering through My Utmost for His Highest, I wanted to scream even more because every word of Romans 8:28 and every word of Oswald Chambers struck a note with my heart.

What I am going through, in perspective, is really very light. I can’t imagine the pain and suffering that others are going through as I sit outside of Starbucks, bundled in my warmest sweater and sipping a warm, black coffee. Which worries me because I think, am I doing enough to understand my circumstances and what God is doing in these times?

I am a doer. Somehow, though rebelling radically against traditional liturgical teaching, I have still found myself trying to work my way toward some kind of salvation that, for whatever reason, I can’t seem to accept as a free gift of God already given to me. So this is my concentration lately: letting go of control and trusting God to provide in circumstances I never would have considered for myself.

In reference to Romans 8:28, I have no doubt that I love God. So I wonder, why aren’t my circumstances working out for good? And then I laugh, probably after God laughs, because I see the futility in trying to determine what is good and what is not from my tiny little place on this planet. Adam and Eve ate of the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil out of a desire to view life from God’s standpoint. Here I am, in a different place and time, and yet my motivations are no different than theirs.

What I call hurt and suffering, a starving kid in Honduras calls a walk in the park. What I call heartbreak and pain, a woman coming out of sex trade in India calls a day at the beach. What I see in my circumstances, God sees infinitely more. And yet I still sit here wondering and waiting for the “good” to come.

In reality, the good is here. And as Chambers points out, it is in the relationships that are formed and nurtured in the circumstances of my life. We are all inexplicably connected as human beings, to each other and to the love of God in us, and circumstance allows us to come and go into each other’s lives at precisely the moment God designs. But how receptive I am to these encounters is determined by my rightness with God.

So I challenge myself now, as I continue to strip down my “self” and abandon those things I once felt so necessary, to learn to experience God’s love instead of to earn it, I am going try to relinquish also my grip on what I think is good and bad.

Job had it right, and he didn’t even know it.

What’s good and bad is for God to decide. The only thing I desire to know is how, in this present moment, am I living for the God who loves me infinitely more than anything I will ever comprehend?