I Live Now!

My name is Chris and I have, at times, tried to intellectualize my way into God’s grace. I have, without knowing, actively pursued works to earn my salvation. I have, without noticing, been so involved in giving love that I have failed to receive it. And I have always kept these struggles to myself.

But I have decided that I am going to put aside my intellectual pursuit of God and live in a world beyond reason or understanding. I desire to experience God and I am prepared to step into a world of faith, closing my eyes as I leap, and trusting that the God who knew me before he formed me in my mother’s womb loves me beyond anything I can understand and will catch me.

I am afraid, both to leap and to share this part of my story with you. But I believe that, as Paul has claimed, “I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some.”

So, welcome to the journey that is my new life… please join me, and stay engaged…

Monday, November 12, 2012

Yoga, and the Art of Letting Go


November 12, 2012

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”
1 Corinthians 6: 19-20

I have attended yoga classes five times in my first week now. In that time I have learned two important things:
1.     I have relatively little control over most of what my body does and doesn’t do
2.     I desire to have control over what my body does and doesn’t do

Yoga to me is not a hokey-pokey, touchy-feely, get-inside-your-body-mind-and-soul kind of thing. There is much mysticism stemming from a very rooted history in the spiritual side of yoga. And I hate to say it, but I disregard anything presented during class that is of a spiritual nature. I am not there for the spiritual. I’ve already found that – thank God!

I am there because I am learning the most difficult lesson in life that I think I will ever learn. I’m no theologian, so I won’t jump to the conclusion that this is THE lesson of Christ and Christianity. But for me, the most difficult lesson in life is understanding the nature of control.

What do I control?

The way I see it, I can control things like:
·      What kind of food I will eat (and how often!)
·      When I will wake up in the morning (or afternoon!)
·      Whether I will shower (or not!)
·      Whether to wear the blue shirt or green one (or no shirt at all!)
·      And other trivial things like that…

The way I see it, I can’t control things like:
·      How warm it will be today (or cold!)
·      Whether the traffic light will stay green long enough to make it (or will I have to run it!)
·      How many people die every day (or how many are born!)
·      Whether my 2 year old nieces will stop crying when I ask them to (or smile!)
·      And other trivial things like that…

Of course neither list is comprehensive. In fact, I haven’t even represented general categories of life that are and are not under my control… some of the bigger things, like:

·      Will I make enough money to take care of myself and my future family?
·      Will I stay healthy enough to live a long, pleasant life?
·      Will she love me?
·      Will the people I love the most in life be blessed with their desires?

And even these questions are just broad enough to open my eyes a little to the vast intricacies of living in the twenty first century world.

But what I have learned, through yoga, is that I can control one thing at a time.

I can control my breath, when the burning takes hold of my legs.
I can control where my thoughts go, when I am focused solely on holding a pose.
I can control my body and the degree to which it will twist and turn and settle on my mat.

I can control my self.

That’s it.

Or can I?

When I read this verse I think about the fact that I am called to live a higher life than those around me. And I don’t mean this in a snooty way. I just mean what the Scripture says, which is wholly true and wholly God’s word. I must look at myself differently. I must treat my body differently. I must understand that self-control is a fruit of the Spirit, and that what I experience in each yoga session – mind, body, spirit – is practice for controlling the only thing in this world that I can control: my self.

So, I’ll be back tomorrow… And I can guarantee you that I won’t have a chance in the world of getting into the “bird-of-paradise” pose. But I’m going to try! Because the way I see it, the more I try to control myself, the less I will try to control everything else. And if somehow I can turn my life into one giant yoga session, then perhaps I will never let go of the ultimate truth: God is in control of everything.

So, tomorrow night I think I will try to drop into the “wheel,” because that is the one pose that truly scares me to attempt. And as I lean back, I’ll look for that hand of the instructor that won’t let me fall and hurt myself, that pushes me and stretches me a little bit further than I am comfortable.

Because the way I see it, I don’t want to be comfortable anymore. I want to be alive…

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