Do you believe THIS?

November 6, 2012

“Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?”

John 11: 25-26

“When I stand face to face with Jesus Christ and He says to me – ‘Believest thou this?’ I find that faith is as natural as breathing, an I am staggered that I was so stupid as not to trust Him before”

(Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest)

I am stubborn, obstinate to the point that it can be aggravating to others, even to myself. I have had the mentality that I have had to “touch the stove” time and time again, even in those times that I have already touched it and I know that it is hot. I have tried to rationalize my faith, which in writing this, seems such a contradictory statement. How does one rationalize faith?

I don’t know. But in my stubbornness I have certainly tried.

God has promised me the most wonderful things to satisfy the desires of my heart, things I could not imagine on my own, and yet I find myself so worried about my present situation – on my “self” – that I fail to let go of those things that worry and interfere with the vision that God has for me, all spiritual blessings in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus (Ephesians 1: 3).

In short, I say I trust God. But in reality, I am far from this.

I am reminded of the passage where a man approached Jesus and asked him to heal his son, or servant (I can’t remember which, but will look it up later!). When his faith is enough and Jesus fulfills his request, the man still asks Jesus to forgive him for his unbelief and to help him to believe.

This has become my primary prayer for myself over the last few months. “Lord, forgive me for my unbelief. Help me to believe.”

Martha stood in the presence of Jesus, Son of God, and yet she failed to believe and trust him in all things! If she failed then, what chance have I in never seeing?

Oh my, that is staggering!

The truth is, I believe that God has been with me and has never left me in any moment of my life, even in those times I chose to run from him. So, this being true, I also believe that he has helped me in times I could not help myself and he can, and will, rid me of my unbelief.

But it won’t be overnight. And it won’t be easy. It won’t be as Paul experienced on the road to Damascus. At least, I don’t expect it to be. After all, I am stubborn. And even if God chose to reveal himself to me, to cancel my unbelief in a split second, I am sure that I would still try to rationalize what had just happened.

Like that time in church when my arm started shaking uncontrollably, and would not stop until three men prayed over me for an hour. In the moment, it was the most spiritual I have ever been. But in looking back, I am sure it was just a pinched nerve that happened while I was sleeping. I mean, how much easier is it to believe that instead of the fact that the Holy Spirit was working in and through me to heal me in some way?

Trust. I could go on for pages and still have no clear understanding of its profound nature. So instead of trying to rationalize this one, I’m going to try and experience it.

This is my phase in life – to experience God fully, on his terms, through receiving his love and his blessings. And while I don’t know what they will look like, or how they will manifest themselves to my heart, I do know that I don’t want to be standing before the throne saying, “Man what a bonehead I was! You were there all along!”